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July 30, 2010   Print  Email


Woman blames Satan for church theft

Police are looking a man with a reddish skin, horns and a tail

Posted by Nick Farrell at 09:20 AM GMT on Mar 20, 2009

A WOMAN who nicked $75,000 from the Arlington Free Methodist Church where she worked claimed that the entire crime was masterminded by Satan.

According to the Everett Herald, she phoned up the coppers to grass on her co-conspirator and admitted that she had been stealing from the church.

According to Marketwatch, the woman told Inspector Bo Knacker of the Snohomish County Yard that the Lord of the Flies had a big part in the theft.

Apparently the Prince of Darkness encouraged her to forge the pastor's signature on 80 cheques totalling $73,575.18 between 2005 and February 2008. Apparently she was worried about having her home repossessed and God was not paying her enough to stay on the straight and narrow.  It is not clear what the Great Beast and the Anti-Christ got out of the deal.

Police are having a job finding Satan - so if anyone sees a personalised deity of evil they should not approach him and are advised to contact their nearest police station immediately.
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